Tag: relationships

Aug 09

DON’T ALLOW OTHERS TO STEAL YOUR JOY

Do you know people who are determined to steal others’ joy? The adage misery loves company is sometimes true whereby others want you to experience their pain.  In some cases it has more to do with power and control.  They maintain power over you and control your emotions by manipulating you into thinking that everything …

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Aug 02

DELIVERING THE MESSAGE

How do you share difficult information or confront conflict?  Which delivery system do you rely on and how well is the message received?  Often people need to share important feelings and information, but their delivery is aggressive, condescending or belittling.  They may be completely unaware of the impact that their delivery style has on others, …

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Jul 26

THINK VERSUS FEEL

Are you a thinker or feeler?  Some people favor thinking over feeling because it fits their personality type and they are very good at solving problems.  Thinkers often get rewarded at work for their ability to analyze situations and identify solutions to conflicts.  They have the ability to stay rational and logical without allowing emotion …

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Jul 19

FIGHT OR FLIGHT

Do you tend to attack or retreat when in a verbal confrontation?  Many of us choose one of these options and ironically, in relationships, each individual often selects the opposite position.  We either lash out or shut down when dealing with conflict.  Maybe we select the side that we learned from our past experiences or …

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Jul 05

REVIVING RELATIONSHIPS

Why do people wait until a crisis occurs before they seek help?  Many couples prefer to ignore problems until significant damage has been done.  Relationships take work and people would rather coast rather than put in consistent effort.  Think of relationships like a plants that needs watering, sunshine, and fertilizer to maintain life.  Many of …

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Jun 21

CAN YOU FIX MY SPOUSE?

Often people come into my office with the hopes of “fixing” their partner.  The question commonly asked is how can I get my spouse to change?  Or occasionally it transfers to me and the question becomes can you fix my partner?  Typically this is code for my partner doesn’t want to change or I’ve been …

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May 24

SPEED, STRENGTH, AND SKILL

When I coached soccer, to be successful, we focused on building speed, developing strength, and practicing skills.  Being successful in a relationship is not much different.  In soccer bursts of speed can create a huge advantage, but also knowing when to slow down or to change direction has value.  In relationships, our timing is essential. …

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Apr 12

MARRIED TO MY MOTHER

Have you ever noticed that people often end up marrying someone with similar characteristics to their own mother or father?  Why is that?  Maybe because it is familiar and  there is safety and security tied to those relationships. Other times, people marry someone similar to a parent because they never resolved issues with that person and subconsciously are …

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Feb 08

RELATIONSHIPS ARE MESSY

Why do some people prefer their pets over people?  If you think about it, pets are safer, less demanding, don’t argue, and provide comfort and love.  When you’ve been hurt, rejected, disappointed, or abused by people your tendency is to mistrust and stay disconnected.  Some have mastered the skill of relating to others superficially and …

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Nov 23

OOPS-Part 2-SECURITY TIED TO SLEEP

Starting with the third paragraph, this is a continuation of the blog mistakenly published before completion yesterday afternoon. Maybe this is telling me I need more sleep during this busy holiday time! What causes people to have disruptive and restless sleep?  A recent study paper provided by Society for Personality and Social Psychology found that …

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