Tag: marriage

Jun 21

CAN YOU FIX MY SPOUSE?

Often people come into my office with the hopes of “fixing” their partner.  The question commonly asked is how can I get my spouse to change?  Or occasionally it transfers to me and the question becomes can you fix my partner?  Typically this is code for my partner doesn’t want to change or I’ve been …

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Oct 28

MARRIAGE GETS THE SCRAPS

Do you find that most of your time and energy get consumed by things or people other than your spouse?  If so, you’re not alone. Many of the couples I work with focus on work, children, activities, family, and/or friends instead of on their marriages.  We disregard the most important relationship we have sometimes without even realizing it.  Why? …

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Jun 10

MARRIAGE EXPECTATIONS

Have you ever discussed your expectations or needs with your spouse?  Did you discuss them before you got married?  Most couples don’t have this conversation until they are deep into the relationship.  We wouldn’t accept a job position without knowing the company’s expectations and reviewing the job description.  Why should it be any different in …

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Jul 10

WINNING NOT EVERYTHING

What is more important to you, being right or being happy?  Some of us “competitive types” value winning over connection.  We forget that in marriage we are supposed to be on the same team and working together so that we can both succeed.  So how do we stop keeping score?  Being aware of our tendency …

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Jun 12

MARRIAGE IN MOTION

Last week I talked about the similarities between tandem bikes and marriage.  Today I will discuss ways to keep the marriage journey smooth, constructive, and rewarding.  Remember marriage is work, but the work is much easier when you have two people focused on the same goals and objectives.  For starters, make sure you both know …

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Jun 05

MARRIAGE AND TANDEM BIKES

What do tandem bikes and marriages have in common?  Think about the similarities between the two and the importance of being “in-sync.”  Many of the couples I work with are out of balance and working against each other.  Sometimes one person is pedaling as fast as they can while the other person has their feet …

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May 15

LOW POWER MARRIAGE

In our new book, “Change Your Life, Not Your Wife,” Dr. Weiss and I discuss the power failure syndrome.  This happens to be a recurring theme in my psychology practice: success at work, but failure at home.  The need for power can drive people to make bad choices and sometimes self-destruct.  I’ve discussed this type …

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Mar 21

PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY POWERS RELATIONSHIPS

Why do people prefer to blame over change?  Blame takes less effort and doesn’t require acknowledgement of responsibility.  Many people go to great lengths to justify, defend, deny, and blame others as a means of avoiding wrongdoing.  Avoiding responsibility is rampant in our society, with wrong-doers seeking to blame others for their actions.  You don’t …

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Jan 10

FAILURE IN SUCCESS

Why do successful people fail in their relationships?  Is it that they are obsessed with success?  Is it that their priorities are on things rather than people?  Although both mentioned points are valid, I found several other factors that contribute to this phenomenon.  For starters, the same personality traits (e.g., driven, competitive, perfectionistic) that enhance …

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Dec 06

MARRIAGE WORKS

Last week I shared the many losses associated with divorce and asserted my belief in marriage. Today I would like to focus on how marriage works. Do healthy marriages require work? Absolutely, healthy marriages are successful when couples do the work. Do healthy marriages require both parties to work at the marriage equally hard? In …

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