How Good are Your Relationship Skills?

Individuals: Take this 12-question assessment and see if your behaviors might be putting your relationships in jeopardy.

Couples: Take the assessment individually and then take it again, but responding as if you were the other.  Compare your individual responses to those your partner selected as if he or she was you.  You may find the results quite interesting!


Pick the answer that best reflects how you would most often respond and select only one answer.  Be honest!  

The personal assessment scores shows an “aggressive index” (A+B) and a “cooperative index” (C+D).

If your A+B score is 6 to 12 Aggressive index and your C+D score Cooperative index is 0 to 6

DANGER ZONE: You are at high risk for relationship failure. Your responses indicate a high degree of aggression and passive-aggression which typically leads to relationship conflict and turmoil. You are likely not communicating well with your partner or, for that matter, anyone else! It appears you have significant difficulties with healthy and constructive ways of expressing negative emotion. You may not be managing stress well or resolving conflicts effectively, which will result in relationship dysfunction and probably failure. Your scores suggest that damage to your relationship(s) has already occurred, so an essential first step will include reconciliation and acknowledgment of problems. You should seriously consider getting expert help.

If your A+B score is 2 to 5 Aggressive index and your C+D score Cooperative index is 7 to 10

BE CAREFUL: You are at moderate risk for relationship failure. You show some degree aggression and passive-aggression, which may cause you to experience relationship “issues.” It doesn’t take much for these reactions to bleed over into other areas of your life. Awareness and understanding can help tremendously, so figure out what situations set you off and why. Then do something about it. Work on learning and incorporating new communication and interpersonal skills. Replace your unhealthy patterns of communication with more productive ones.

If your A+B score is 0 or 1 Aggressive index and your C+D score Cooperative index is 11 or 12

You’re doing great: You are at low risk for relationship failure. You know how to communicate and get along well with others. Because you typically respond in a healthy manner, others react to you in a positive way. When, rarely, that isn’t the case, you are able to think through your own behavior to determine “is it me or is it them?” Keep up the good work!

1. My partner and I are buying a car:


2. Whenever we go on a vacation:


3. I hand in a completed proposal and one of my peers comments on some flaws in the work:


4. I received a fantastic annual review except for one area that needs improvement:


5. An assignment is due by the end of the week and one of my key employees is absent due to a family emergency. I’m concerned the task will not be completed to my satisfaction without this employee’s involvement:


6. I attend a business meeting where someone else is in charge but that person is not doing a good job in keeping the meeting focused:


7. I’m invited to a large holiday party and will know very few of the guests:


8. During a colleague’s PowerPoint presentation, I notice a minor error in a calculation that doesn’t really affect the meeting, but I know my colleague will be giving the same presentation to others in the near future:


9. I have been struggling with a difficult task at work:


10. I’m lost driving to a new out-of-town location:


11. When I get angry with someone:


12. When playing a board game:


Question 1 of 12