Individuals: Take this 12-question assessment and see if your behaviors might be putting your relationships in jeopardy.

Couples: Take the assessment individually and then take it again, but responding as if you were the other.  Compare your individual responses to those your partner selected as if he or she was you.  You may find the results quite interesting!

Instructions

Pick the answer that best reflects how you would most often respond and select only one answer.  Be honest!  

1. My partner and I are buying a car:

 A. I go to the dealer alone and decide on the make, model, and features without my partner knowing.
 B. I go to the dealer with my partner but I make the majority of the decisions without consulting him/her.
 C. I present my partner with a series of options and allow him/her to choose from those options.
 D. We discuss and agree upon the make, model, and features before buying.

2. Whenever we go on a vacation:

 A. I plan where and how long we stay, what to see, and where to eat, so that I get to do everything I want.
 B. I listen to input from my partner but end up making decisions based on what I most want to do.
 C. I incorporate my partners input for the trip but sometimes feel annoyed that we can’t do all the things I want to do.
 D. My partner and I discuss our interests and plan a trip that is fun for both of us, including some flexibility for spontaneity.

3. I hand in a completed proposal and one of my peers comments on some flaws in the work:

 A. I become angry and vindictive. How dare they!
 B. I become defensive and try to justify my position.
 C. I accept the feedback, but feel slightly annoyed or hurt.
 D. I am open and receptive to the feedback.

4. I received a fantastic annual review except for one area that needs improvement:

 A. I feel angry and defensive about the criticism and overlook the fact that the review was mostly positive.
 B. I shut down and brood about the review.
 C. I focus on the positive aspect of the review and ignore the negative. They’ll just have to accept me as I am.
 D. I feel good about the review and am eager to take corrective action. There’s always room for improvement.

5. An assignment is due by the end of the week and one of my key employees is absent due to a family emergency. I’m concerned the task will not be completed to my satisfaction without this employee’s involvement:

 A. I tell the employee to come to work, despite the family emergency, to finish the project.
 B. I run the material by his home so he can complete the project from home.
 C. I ask for an extension to give my key employee time to return to work.
 D. I involve other employees to complete the assignment without the key employee and I pitch in to help if necessary.

6. I attend a business meeting where someone else is in charge but that person is not doing a good job in keeping the meeting focused:

 A. I complain openly until the person relinquishes control to me.
 B. I take over running the meeting.
 C. I ask the person if they would like my input and guidance.
 D. I participate in the meeting in such a way that focus is restored and the leader saves face.

7. I’m invited to a large holiday party and will know very few of the guests:

 A. I come up with an excuse to not attend even though my partner wants to go.
 B. I agree to go but spend the entire time on my smartphone or laptop and avoid interacting with people.
 C. I stick by my partner’s side the entire night and limit conversation with others.
 D. I make an effort to meet new people, introduce my partner, and include him/her in conversation.

8. During a colleague’s PowerPoint presentation, I notice a minor error in a calculation that doesn’t really affect the meeting, but I know my colleague will be giving the same presentation to others in the near future:

 A. I immediately interrupt to point out the mistake.
 B. I wait until the presenter pauses and bring the mistake to everyone’s attention.
 C. I wait until the end of the presentation when questions are being fielded to bring up the mistake.
 D. I send the presenter an email after the presentation bringing their attention to the mistake.

9. I have been struggling with a difficult task at work:

 A. I keep my mouth shut and work toward a solution.
 B. I confide in a friend but swear them to silence.
 C. I confide in a colleague in a similar occupation and ask for their insight.
 D. I approach my boss to ask for guidance and support.

10. I’m lost driving to a new out-of-town location:

 A. I get angry and blame my co-pilot.
 B. I keep driving and refuse to stop for directions.
 C. I pull over and read the map myself and then repeat this process when I find I’m still lost.
 D. I stop for directions at the next convenient location.

11. When I get angry with someone:

 A. I lash out at them without considering my words.
 B. I give them the cold shoulder.
 C. I squash my anger and try to get along.
 D. I wait to talk to them until I’ve dealt with my anger and calmed down.

12. When playing a board game:

 A. I play to win, even if it requires cheating.
 B. I play to win and make sure everyone follows the rules. This is serious business.
 C. I play to win but lose without losing it.
 D. I focus on the fun, not the outcome of the game.

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