Aug 02


How do you share difficult information or confront conflict?  Which delivery system do you rely on and how well is the message received?  Often people need to share important feelings and information, but their delivery is aggressive, condescending or belittling.  They may be completely unaware of the impact that their delivery style has on others, or in some cases, they don’t care about the effect as long as they make their point.  Communication is incredibly important and can have major repercussions or create misunderstandings if the message is poorly expressed.  Many highly intelligent people have not mastered the art of communication and don’t realize the negative impact that they have on others.

In many cases we learn how to communicate from our parents, teachers, mentors, and peers, often adopting an approach that we deemed effective and/or easy.  The reality is that we may have only observed the delivery, but didn’t witness the consequences.  For example, we may have observed a person yelling or bullying someone to get their way and it seemed to work, but didn’t see the fallout and alienation that followed.  If the delivery is perceived as very negative, it may override the message and the person may tune out the point you were trying to make. The art of the delivery often determines the power of the message, not the message itself.  So how can you work on your delivery?

For starters, be aware of your non-verbal communication, especially your tone of voice.  Communicate the message directly and assertively while being respectful and sensitive to the person receiving it.  It may be helpful to script out the message and have a game plan before delivering it to the person.  With today’s technology many prefer to send a text or email over a phone call or face-to-face, but the former is too impersonal and possibly inappropriate.  Be sure to make the message clear and simple so that understanding it is easy along with allowing for clarification, if necessary.  Lastly communicate with empathy and compassion so that the other person realizes you value them more than the message.  People respond better when we validate their feelings and value their feedback.  The golden rule still applies: treat others the way you want to be treated.  When we focus more on the relationship and less on the outcome, others accept and respect our message.



Skip to comment form

    • Jodi on August 2, 2017 at 6:57 am

    Excellent Dr T, I know someone who could benefit from your post!!

      • DrTony on August 2, 2017 at 9:04 am

      Thanks Jodi. I hope others will heed the advice and change their delivery.

    • Dan on August 2, 2017 at 10:22 am

    I believe we can all benefit (in someway) from this post. I know I can. Thanks for the advice.

      • DrTony on August 2, 2017 at 12:44 pm

      I appreciate your support Dan and agree that we can all benefit from being more aware of our delivery.

    • Diann Farbowitz on August 2, 2017 at 7:41 pm

    This message is very important considering the world we live in. Everyone can benefit from this post.

      • DrTony on August 2, 2017 at 8:56 pm

      Thanks for your support.

    • Rose on August 3, 2017 at 1:18 pm

    De. Tony, what do you do when your
    Message being delivered isn’t being heard or ignore. In one case it’s a family member. In another it’s a employee. Thanks

      • DrTony on August 3, 2017 at 9:34 pm

      Rose, hopefully your delivery is respectful and constructive. If so, other options are to write your message out or let the person know that their response to your message makes it difficult to have a personal or working relationship with them. Share with them the emotional impact of their response. Good luck.

Comments have been disabled.