Jul 26


Are you a thinker or feeler?  Some people favor thinking over feeling because it fits their personality type and they are very good at solving problems.  Thinkers often get rewarded at work for their ability to analyze situations and identify solutions to conflicts.  They have the ability to stay rational and logical without allowing emotion to cloud their thought process.  They can be extremely effective and efficient when confronting situations that require a level head and a focused mind.  Certain jobs require thinking without feelings, like a surgeon or an airline pilot.  Some people also think to avoid having to feel.  Maybe thinking has served them well and allowed them to avoid vulnerability and emotional connections.  In some cases, showing feelings resulted in pain and negative outcomes in the past so they prefer to stick with knowledge and information.

The flip side of the coin is the feeler who is very comfortable with emotion and interpersonal relationships.  They may have the ability to think things through, but feelings have equal value in their decision-making.  Feelers recognize that their emotions can create a connection and find them to be meaningful and worthwhile.  Of course people who are comfortable sharing their feelings and sensitive to others’ emotions tend to have deeper and more intimate relationships.  Often feelers and thinkers end up in a relationship together.  They may have a hard time understanding the way their partner deals with issues.  Initially this may be what attracted them to each other, but over time it can become frustrating and even annoying.  We all think and feel differently and regardless of our preference there is no right or wrong approach, just different.  In a work situation thinking may be the preferred mode while relationally feeling is a better approach.

Both thinking and feeling have value and purpose, but too much of either can create problems and conflict.  Often couples that exist on opposite ends of the spectrum need to work towards the middle and find greater balance.  Learning to discern appropriate times when thinking is a better choice over feeling or vice versa is a valuable skill.  Couples need to avoid telling each other what to feel or think, instead working on validating their partner’s expression is a better approach.  Also accept each other’s differences and don’t try to change one another, but rather share your likes and dislikes, and allow the other person the option to change.  Some individuals need to learn to think less and feel more, while others should feel less and think more.  It can be a constant thorn in our side, or we can compliment each other with our differences .  Proverbs 27:17, As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.


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    • John on July 26, 2017 at 10:42 pm

    Fair enough article, but with due respect, I’m not going to follow this advice. feelings should not be equally weighted in the decision making process. That would elevate many feelings, a lot which inhibited growth and progress such as insecurity and fear, to equal in decision making process. No bueno! My opinion is Decisions should be mostly based on facts and goals with just simple acknowledgement to any feelings along the path. It would be easy to quit everything if feelings were equal. When challenges and feeling are at there zenith, greatness lays in wait.

      • DrTony on July 27, 2017 at 7:17 am

      Well said John. After re-reading the post, I don’t believe I said that feelings should be equally weighted in decision making. I did say that “but feelings have equal value in their decision-making,” implying that people who are feelers (their) tend to be this way, but not endorsing that everyone should find equal value in both. Later on in the post I emphasize balance and the importance of recognizing that some people fall short on one end or the other and may need to work at the value of both at certain times and under certain situations. Your point is well taken about the negative side of feelings when making decisions. Thanks for sharing your input.

    • Tina on July 27, 2017 at 1:56 pm

    This is a great read..My husband is the thinker and Im the feeler……….. I can become frustrating at times,because sometimes I feel he doesn’t have any emotion and can’t connect well. Other times he can and I think he chooses when he wants to feel and when he doesnt.

    I’m passing this on to him.

      • DrTony on July 28, 2017 at 11:48 pm

      Thanks for your comments. I’m glad it is helpful.

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