HEALING AFTER BROKEN RELATIONSHIPS
September 24, 2012 in Featured
How do you cope with loss? All of us at one point in our lives have lost a friendship or relationship that was very special. Some grieve the loss while others stay stuck in the pain. Healing requires us to deal with the pain. Maybe you grew up in a family that never discussed emotional pain. Or maybe your family talked about negative emotions incessantly without any resolution or closure. Typically, our way of coping as adults is related to our family of origin either by adopting their mode or choosing the complete opposite. Some people choose to not heal from the loss of a broken relationship, but instead look for a replacement. The wounds remain even though they are scabbed over. Anyone who thinks that time heals all wounds is wrong. Time can help, but it doesn’t heal. The way to heal is to confront the pain which means identifying it, experiencing it, expressing it, and eventually closing it. Rejection is part of life and can be very painful, but we can choose to work through our pain rather than hold it inside or take it out on others. In some cases talking directly to the person that caused the pain is not an option or the best choice, but you can write about the pain and work towards forgiveness. Ultimately healing comes from letting go of pain and selecting a life without it. Easier said than done. I never said it would be easy, but the alternative is not a good option and will only perpetuate your pain. Next week I will talk further about coping with a broken relationship and expand on the benefits of healing.
” In some cases talking directly to the person that caused the pain is not an option or the best choice, but you can write about the pain and work towards forgiveness. Ultimately healing comes from letting go of pain and selecting a life without it. Easier said than done. I never said it would be easy, but the alternative is not a good option and will only perpetuate your pain.”
Yes easier said than done, but what does one do when the family member keeps hurting and offending the person. In Matthew 18:22 Jesus tells Peter he should forgive his brother not 7 rimes but 7 times 70. In a situation of life long family abuse we could have surpassed 490 times, is it then time to send this person away for ever and not let them back in your life? There are limits and although we try to follow the example Christ set for us, none of us are Christ.
Forgiveness is not forgetting. A person may choose to no longer have a relationship with a person that continues to cause them pain, but still will benefit from letting go of the hurt, anger, and sadness. Forgiveness is one way to heal, but there are many other healthy ways to release the pain.
I read the quote below and immediately felt a gut reaction:
“Rejection is part of life and can be very painful, but we can choose to work through our pain rather than hold it inside or take it out on others.”
We have talked about this and I have read about it, too, but this time it “struck a chord” or “hit a nerve” might be better. I have been noticing a slow and steadily increasing acceptance of my loss and I guess I am beginning to accept that I have been rejected; as you stated, this rejection is a normal part of living, no matter how deep I feel the hurt. The facing of my hurt is one of the most difficult, if not THE most difficult thing that I have ever done, but I am doing it and one day I will be through the pain and be healed/ renewed.
It can be very painful to heal from a broken relationship, but confronting the pain and acknowledging the emotion quickens the process of healing. I’m glad to hear that you’re doing just that.